Hey! You with the Flowers! Dump the Loser!!

In a perfect world people would use their powers for good instead of evil. But that doesn’t always happen. That’s why Google’s motto is “don’t be evil.” You can debate whether Google lives up to their mantra, but the fact is the world’s largest tech company feels compelled to tell the world to not be evil. Or they’re hiding a nefarious scheme behind AdWords and self-driving cars. Either way, that leaves me with the conclusion that seemingly innocent things can be evil.

Take sending flowers. That’s a nice thing to do, right? Well, not when the flowers come from some jackass on the internet with an algorithm to steal my check card number. Yup. I knew something was wrong when my check card didn’t work as I bought new Christmas lights at Walmart (speaking of telling people not to be evil). At my bank they printed out my statement and not only did I see an enormous bouquet of flowers that didn’t belong, this creep had joined the 1-800-FLOWERS rewards program. Sigh. Sure enough, this guy tried to purchase over $500 in expensive bouquets.

I like to think that each bouquet went to a different mistress, because by this point, I want to make him into the biggest villain possible in mind as I navigate the fraud paperwork. Luckily, most of the money was returned because we caught the transactions before they went through. Thanks, by the way, to US Bank for catching this in time.

I have no doubt that US Bank will conduct an investigation and hold the perpetrator responsible if they catch him. But in a perfect world, 1-800-FLOWERS would chip in on revenge that looks something like this:

flowers2

“We regret to inform you that your boyfriend is a thief. It also might interest you to know that he also purchased several other expensive bouquets – did you receive those as well? Enjoy the flowers, but dump the loser.”

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